Humor Archives

Political Cartoon: Burning Through Debt

From MIchael Ramirez (click for a larger version):

Why does Obama think he can avoid the same fate while piling up the same kind of debt? 

Political Cartoon: Distractions

From Michael Ramirez (click for a larger version):

Political Cartoon

Oh look, a squirrel….

Shire Network News #176: Pastor Ameal Haddad

Shire Network News #176 has been released. The feature interview is with Pastor Ameal Haddad of Ambassadors For Peace. His idea is that people around the world should have religious freedom. I know, crazy, right? Maybe it’s so crazy it might just work through. Click here for the show notes, links, and ways to listen to the show; directly from the web site, by downloading the mp3 file, or by subscribing with your podcatcher of choice.

Below is the text of my commentary.

Hi, this is Doug Payton for Shire Network News with a year-end edition of "Consider This!"

In January of this year, SNN contributors Meryl Yourish and I did a bit of prognostication about 2009, in which we spoke as though it were December.  Well, here we are in December and I’d like to take a look back at my predictions and find out how much of a satirical seer I was.

President Obama, while not having actually had any law enacted or treaty signed regarding global warming, managed to make this year cooler than last year.  Must have been sheer force of will.

Sure enough, some cold temperatures records were set in both Europe and America.  Indeed, it appears that, against all models, warming has stopped, and the "ClimateGate" scandal featured the head of the Climate Analysis Section at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, Kevin Trenberth, proclaiming that it’s a "travesty" that they can’t "account for the lack of warming at the moment".  Clearly, due to President Obama’s force of will.

My second prediction was a bit tongue-in-cheek.  Well, OK, they all were, but this predicted the creation of an Iraqi Olympic Shoe-Throwing Team.  While the team has yet to materialize, the Iraqi reporter that threw a shoe at President Bush was the target of someone apparently trying out for the team.  An exiled reporter, supportive of US policy in Iraq, decided to make his mark.  The IOC, however, judged that the throw was disqualified because it hit a wall, making proper distance measuring impossible, and because proper safety measure were not taken.

My third prediction was simply:

The world now loves us:  They really love us, ever since we elected a Democrat.  Iraq even allows US troops to be stationed there, thanks to the splendid outcome of "Obama’s Terrorist Intervention" in that country, which began on January 20th of this year.

Sure enough, the nations of the world have been saying such nice things about us this past year.  Well, except that they haven’t actually done anything differently.  And except for Poland who we left out of a missile shield system.  And, of course, except for everyone who hated us before; they still hate us now.  But other than that, the world loves us!

And finally…

Universal Agreement:  Both sides of the political aisle have finally come together to speak with one voice.  No longer is there any disagreement, harsh criticism or mean-spirited arguing.  The recently-passed bill, entitled "The Pelosi/Reid Equal Opportunity in Talk Radio and Radical Right-Wing Internet Commentary Act" (otherwise known as the PREOITRARRWICA), has gone a long way to make sure that the voice of the people is heard loud and clear.

No return of the Fairness Doctrine yet, but the government may yet interfere with radio station management in order to get the Fairness Doctrine in effect, if not in actual law. So, I guess I got this one wrong.  But now you see why I had to take such a happy tone in this alternate timeline; it’s not just a good idea, it was the law.

So overall, except for perhaps the first 20 days, this year has shown us that America’s best days are ahead of her, if we can just pass that new $2.5 trillion spending bill.  And I’m sure we will.

Hey, with TARP, bailouts, and a potential budget-busting health care bill, my numbers weren’t that far off.  Liberals are nothing if not predictable.  No Jean Dixon necessary.  Merry Christmas, and consider this.

Shire Network News #175: Robin Shepherd

Shire Network News #175 has been released. The feature interview is with British foreign policy specialist and non-insane person (the two tend to be mutually exclusive these days) Robin Shepherd about a new TV documentary in which the UK’s foreign policy is portrayed as completely in thrall to sinister, shadowy "Zionist" businessmen, who manipulate politicians and journalists from the shadows. Click here for the show notes, links, and ways to listen to the show; directly from the web site, by downloading the mp3 file, or by subscribing with your podcatcher of choice.

Below is the text of my commentary.

Hi, this is Doug Payton for Shire Network News asking you to "Consider This!"

US President Barack Obama has been in office for 10 months now.  While that’s not very long — heck, it’s barely long enough to win a Nobel Peace Prize — I think it’s worth taking stock of where he is on some of his campaign promises and Presidential goals. 

Let’s start with the closing of the US detention center at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.  He said he’d close it in a year, but two months away from that date even he doesn’t think that’s going to happen.  But he did make a big splash when he moved Kalid Sheik Muhammed, the 9/11 mastermind, to the target of his mastermindedness, New York City, to try him in federal court, right alongside guys who commit mail fraud.  Yes, the guy who planned the largest terror attack on the US is going down the same path as Nigerian scammers who send you letters promising you large sums of money.  That seems adequate, no?

How about that lynchpin of his presidency, health care reform?  Well, looks like the tough sell just keeps getting tougher.  With only 38% of Americans favoring the plan proposed by Obama and the Democrats, this is looking like those mothers of yesteryear who gave you castor oil for what ails you.  The worse it is, the better it must be for you. 

Well then, how about the economy?  Sounding very fiscally conservative, he told Fox News (yes, that Fox News), "It is important though to recognize if we keep on adding to the debt, even in the midst of this recovery, that at some point, people could lose confidence in the U.S. economy in a way that could actually lead to a double-dip recession."  What he failed to note is that he is the one adding to the debt.  In a scene reminiscent of Mel Brooks’ "Blazing Saddles", he’s holding a gun to his head and threatening to pull the trigger if he doesn’t start behaving.  In Washington these days, it’s not so much that the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.  It’s more like the left hand doesn’t even know there is a right hand. 

Then there’s the idea that the world loves us now, all because Obama is the anti-Bush.  A new day would dawn in foreign relations.  Except that it’s not.  In his recent trip to Asia, this self-proclaimed "first Pacific President" not only didn’t get any concessions from China, he participated in a press conference where questions were forbidden.  Way to stand up to those Communists, Obama.  Not even the eeevil Bush ever bowed, er, stooped that low.  Later, he lost the participation of Japan in refueling US warships destined for Afghanistan.  On the upside, he did get some pretty cool pictures of the Great Wall of China.  I’m told that, from up in space, Barack Obama’s ego is visible to the naked eye.

Oh, there was almost a foreign policy win with Iran, to get it to ship its uranium to Russia to keep it from building bombs.  Except that last week, shock of shocks, Iran reneged

Well, never mind what the rest of the world thinks!  They say they love us, but their actions say something else entirely.  Let’s look at the domestic polls to see how his own people love him.  There was such enthusiasm a year ago, when people flocked to elect the first African-American as President of the US.  Well, since then, the bloom has fallen off the rose.  His poll numbers dipped below 50% in November, 10 months after taking office with one of the higher initial ratings in recent history.  Now, pretty much all Presidents get into this territory sooner or later; even Reagan hit it in 10 months.  But that means that Barack Obama, the post-racial, feel-good, history-making, hope and change man of the hour is tied for the 3rd worst drop in ratings in the past half-century.  The eeevil Bush took 37 months to make it there.  Heck, Nixon took 25!  Nixon!

So it appears, then, that The One(tm) has fallen short of wildly exaggerated expectations.  Who’s to blame?  I’d say the guy who set those expectations.  A former Obama supporter has come out with a T-shirt of the iconic Obama poster with the word "Hope" on the bottom, but it’s smeared, as though painted in watercolors and then rained on.  Below the word "Hope" is the phrase "is fading fast". 

Something tells me that Obama is no different than he was just 10 short months and one Nobel Peace Prize ago.  It’s just that people have now actually taken the time to see who he really is.  I kinda’ wish, though, that they’d done this prior to the election.  A new face in the Oval Office doesn’t make enemies lose their self-interest.  Heck, it doesn’t even do that for allies!  It doesn’t magically turn the economy around, nor make budget-busting proposals palatable (especially when you complain about budget-busting as though someone else is doing it).  I’ll tell you one thing it does, though; it gets a populace to finally consider this.

The Thanksgiving Proclamation, 21st Century Edition

What if Abe Lincoln had tried to make Thanksgiving a federal holiday in 2009?  Scott Ott has a hilarious take on it

Leading congressional Democrats see in President Abraham Lincoln’s so-called "Thanks-giving day" declaration not only "a disturbing streak of irrational mysticism," as one senator called it, "but a view of human nature inconsistent with the modern enlightenment understanding."

Reporters and columnists from the New York Times, among others, recently expressed confusion at Mr. Lincoln’s claim that he can see blessings in the midst of the trials brought on by what most experts call the "quagmire of a war for cotton" between the Confederacy and the Union.

Read the whole thing, but fair warning; swallow any liquid you may have in your mouth beforehand.  Otherwise it could be all over your computer screen.

Shire Network News #174: Ian Wishart

Shire Network News #174 has been released. The feature interview is with New Zealand journalist and author Ian Wishart, who explains why New Zealand is, if you can believe such a thing, even more PC, multi-culti and obsessed with apocalyptic global warming than Canada. Click here for the show notes, links, and ways to listen to the show; directly from the web site, by downloading the mp3 file, or by subscribing with your podcatcher of choice.

Below is the text of my commentary.

Hi, this is Doug Payton for Shire Network News, asking you to "Consider This!"

I’m in Cleveland, Ohio on business today as I record this.  (Please leave your condolences on the web site or our Facebook page.)  I watch a bit of TV in the hotel room while I’m here, mostly news channels.  And being away from the hustle and bustle of the household scheduling give me time to see a lot of news.

One thing I’ve noticed this week is that there’s so much nuttiness in the world today.  An Army officer going on a shooting rampage against his own soldiers.  Swine flu running rampant.  People unable to identify who Joe Biden is.  It’s just bonkers.  And I think those who are running their countries may just be leading the way.

And you know, we don’t hear the word "bonkers" enough. 

So, from the home office in Camillus, NY, here are the Top 9 Signs Your National Leader Is Positively Bonkers

9 – Gets the important shout-outs to his peeps before getting to the more mundane issues of a mass-murdering, al-Qaeda-loving, Muslim army officer.

8 – He wants to ship nuclear material to Venezuela.

7 – He doesn’t realize that the Venezuelan socialist utopia has shortages of food and water, not nuclear material.

6 – He’s currently running Venezuela.

5 – Spends a month on the golf course pondering whether to send 30,000 more troops to the war, or maybe 35,000 instead.  Or perhaps 35,762.  Decisions, decisions.  Fore!

4 – Thinks that if only he could chase out the corporations and citizens who have been bankrolling his socialist utopia, then he’d have his socialist utopia.

3 – Attacks a country called Georgia in order to score some chicken barbeque and pork ribs.

2 – Thinks that wiping a country off the map is a sober, considered foreign policy.

And the number one sign your national leader is positively bonkers:

He thinks that, when spending money doesn’t create jobs, the solution is to spend more money.

Yes, nuttiness can be a trickle-down phenomenon.  Consider this.

Shire Network News #173 – Tehmina Karzi

Shire Network News #173 has been released. The feature interview is with Tehmina Kazi, Director of British Muslims for Secular Democracy. Click here for the show notes, links, and ways to listen to the show; directly from the web site, by downloading the mp3 file, or by subscribing with your podcatcher of choice.

Below is the text of my commentary.

Hi, this is Doug Payton for Shire Network News asking you to "Consider this!"

Do you remember when George W. Bush, that shredder of the Constitution he, got so upset with unflattering coverage of his policies by MSNBC that he barred them from press pool interviews, and sent his minions to declare it an invalid news organization?  Yeah, me neither.  But let me ask you; if he had, don’t you think this would have caused a constitutional crisis, at least in the minds on the Left?  Right, me too. 

But let’s back up a bit and hit some recent history.  During the Sunday talk shows on October 18th, Obama mouthpieces David Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel went on the offensive against Fox News, saying they were not a news organization because they have "a perspective".  The implication being that every other news organization plays it precisely, straight down the middle.  (I’ll wait for you to finish laughing before I continue.)

Later in the week, Jake Tapper of ABC News, was apparently the only reporter remotely concerned that this was, y’know, rather chilling.  He asked the President’s spokesman why it’s appropriate for the White House to decide what is or isn’t a news organization.  The answer came back from the spokesman, "You and I should watch sometime around 9 o’clock tonight. Or 5 o’clock this afternoon."  So, what news programs are on Fox News Channel during those times?  Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck. 

OK, someone needs to explain to Barack Obama, President of the United States, the difference between "news" and "opinion".  So we here at Shire Network News … er, well perhaps we should call it "Shire Network Opinion" just to make things perfectly clear.  The distinction is apparently something of a difficult concept to the folks who are running my country.  Anyway, we’d like to help with understanding that distinction.

Glenn Beck is an opinion show.  Sean Hannity spouts opinion.  Shepard Smith is a news anchor.  Additionally, the TeleTubbies are not real, Dick Cheney is not Darth Vader, and Burger King is not an actual monarch.

The problem is that, while the presence of Hannity and Beck on Fox News is apparently enough to disqualify it as a true news organization, the presence of Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, also opinion pundits but from the liberal side of the aisle, doesn’t disqualify MSNBC from being one.  I mean, heck, both of them were invited to an off-the-record briefing by the President. 

See, liberal opinion is "news", while conservative opinion is "sedition". 

Later that week, the most recent Nobel "Peace" Prize winner stepped up the war.  When the White House made a cabinet member available to the press pool, they specifically said that pool member Fox News was not allowed.  All of a sudden, all the other news organizations were roused from their slumber, got together and said that if Fox couldn’t get an interview, none of them would do an interview.  This brave, if belated, action made the White House blink, and Fox was allowed in.

It should never have gone this far.  Yeah, Presidents, Prime Ministers and Grand Poobahs from all over the world have had their issues with the press, and some organizations in particular.  But freezing them out is more for a Castro or Chavez then a leader who purportedly is preserving, protecting and defending a Constitution that includes freedom of the press. 

You want to complain, Mr. President?  You’ve got the bully pulpit.  But when you start being a bully, don’t be surprised if the kids on the block gang up, take their microphones and go home.  A truce was recently called, so the bully has learned his lesson and gone back into his house.  For now.

Odd, and slightly disconcerting, that the press had to educate our government on the Constitutional restrictions placed on that government.  But then, isn’t it always that way?  Government only responds to push-back; just ask General George Washington.  And anyone looking to give it more and more power over us should really consider this.

Political Cartoon: All Equal Now

From Chuck Asay (click for full size):

Chuck Asay cartoon

Does old Europe really want to start really paying for their own defense?  They’ve played with socialism with the money they saved outsourcing their defense to us.  I’m guessing they can’t afford it.

Political Cartoon: The New Segregation

From Chuck Asay (click for a larger version):

Shire Network News #172: Colonel Gordon Cucullu

Shire Network News #172 has been released. Quite a while ago, actually.  The feature interview is with retired US Army special forces Colonel Gordon Cucullu about the effects of Obama Derangement Syndrome on the conservative side of politics in America. Click here for the show notes, links, and ways to listen to the show; directly from the web site, by downloading the mp3 file, or by subscribing with your podcatcher of choice.

Below is the text of my commentary.

Hi, this is Doug Payton for Shire Network News asking you to "Consider This!"

In order to pay some of the bills around here, we’ve decided to take money for advertising.  Yes, I know, it’s the whole "selling out" issue that free web sites, free games, and yes, even free podcasts eventually grapple with.  But to bring you the best in Anglospheric news, interviews and general jocularity, sometimes things start costing actual money.  Hopefully, this won’t be a regular thing.

Interestingly, our first on-air sponsor is the United States Food and Drug Administration.  The FDA is trying to get the word out on a new program of theirs, so I hope that this is informative, if a bit American-centric.


Food.  Necessary for all human life.  Source of nutrients, fiber, protein and all the things that keep us going and thriving.

Hi, we’re the Food and Drug Administration — the FDA — and we’d like to inform you of a new and generous program brought to you by the Obama administration.  We call it "Social Groceries", and we’d like to explain it to you.

Clearly, the profit motive in the food industry has caused untold damage to our culture.  Every day, children go hungry.  Adults, too, but we’d like to focus on the children, mostly because they’re more sympathetic.  The availability of food is often tied to employment; if you lose your job, you can no longer buy food.  Well, unless you have savings, but who saves money anymore? 

And yet there are huge corporations making mountains of money getting rich off of selling you the very staples of life; rice, corn, milk, Alaskan King Crab legs, and a Starbucks cafe mocha latte.  Supermarkets are filled with food while over 36 million Americans are hungry

You may say, "Well, there are programs like food stamps and WIC that allow the poor to buy food."  That’s like saying that the poor can go to emergency rooms for access to health care.  It’s true, but we think there’s a better way of doing things.

Enter "Social Groceries".  Under this new program, anybody who can’t afford food will be able to get whatever they want, and it will be paid for by the US government.  And by "the US government", we mean "you".  If you like your grocery store, you can keep it, but the minute you stop in to the nearby convenience store, you will then be required to shop only at stores providing a predetermined amount of coverage … er … selection.  Also, the government will open up grocery chains that will undercut prices at existing chains until they can no longer compete.  We won’t force any food provider out of business; we’ll let them decide when to do that on their own. 

But we think you’ll agree that when the government decides what to stock on the shelves, it will all be much more equitable.  No, you can’t decide what items to buy; you’ll have to choose from our menu.  Still, what’s a loss of freedom in exchange for the guarantee of "grocial security" for generations to come?  We’re the government; we can guarantee that.

It is true that we’ll all have to sacrifice for the good of the many.  Special nutrition panels will have to decide whether it’s worth feeding grandma that Porterhouse steak, or if she could get by on pork and beans.  But it’s all for the greater good.

And we should know.  After all, "food" is our first name.  We’re the Food & Drug Administration, where our motto is, "Isn’t food more important than health care?"  We think you’ll like "Social Groceries", just as soon as we can sneak it into the next emergency spending bill.  Thank you for your support.  Or not.  Whatever.


Well then, I hope you found that commercial at least informative, and we at SNN ask you to consider this.  (Perhaps we should stick with contributions on the website.)

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