Shire Network News #112

Shire Network News #112 has been released (well, it was released on Christmas Day, actually). The feature this week is a conversation between 3 SNN contributors — Meryl, Damian and Brian of London — about the year in review. Click here for the show notes, links, and ways to listen to the show; directly from the web site, by downloading the mp3 file, or by subscribing with your podcatcher of choice.

Below is the text of my commentary.

Hi, this is Doug Payton for Shire Network News, asking you to “Consider This”.

Former Senator George Mitchell released his report last week detailing the use of steroids and other controlled substances in Major League Baseball. The baseball world was rocked when names like Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens and A-Rod were mentioned in the report. But, as is its habit, the mainstream media did not report the whole story.

Here, then, from the home office in Camillus, NY, are the top 9 revelations from the Mitchell Report you may not have heard about in the news:

9. All major news anchors have used steroids to keep that buff look for their viewers. (Well, except Katie Couric, who uses a different controlled substance; lilac bubble bath.)

8. Ayman al-Zawahri was on uppers during his last video, and seems to expect the viewer to be on them too, in order to stay awake for the whole thing.

7. The rockets being fired from the Gaza Strip into southern Israel use the secret ingredient Ketchup Gas because Hamas can’t get anyone to sell them mustard.

6. The Palestinians firing those rockets from the Gaza Strip have been dipping into the Ketchup Gas a bit themselves.

5. Congressional Democrats have been using Jedi Mind Tricks(tm) to convince their followers that the Iraq War is being lost in a big way. Dissenters are told “I find your lack of faith disturbing”.

4. Michael Moore was cleared of charges he uses Human Growth Hormone. Instead it was revealed he uses Three-Day Beard Growth Hormone.

3. When he was young, Barack Obama used…oh, wait. The Hillary Clinton campaign already revealed that.

2. When Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visits, he and Hugo Chavez sneak out for a late-night American Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate bar. Ah, the guilty pleasures from those capitalist pigs.

And the #1 revelation from the Mitchell Report you may not have heard about in the news:

Baseball fans will still pay inflated prices, and still go to the games.

Ah well, at least, here in the off season, you can still have a Merry Christmas. And indeed I can still say that here on Shire Network News. And to Brian of London, Tom Paine and Meryl Yourish, I hope you had a Happy Hannukah. See, we can all just get along.

Consider that.

Filed under: Podcasts • Shire Network News

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